Joe Hoper

"Don't breathe the pool water."

"Try now to drown."

"Give the self checkouts a swere, Miss Trunchbull of an assistant is as menopausal as the bastard device itself and twice as grumpy."

"Possibly best station every, quaint and something different, lovely on a Sunny day like today :-)"

"No tofu on a Sunday -- meat is murder!"

"Try taking Sleepy McGreyskin for a walk, it's excellent :-)"