Jacob Swimmer

"The friendliest of friendly people."

"The soap brush is great! The water pressure is powerful! Great for cleaning those smelly brown stains from one too many close calls. I blame the long red light on Old Hickory. Jerk light."

"Good place to poop."

"This is an adequate mall. I very much like the stores with objects that you can purchase."

"Too bad. This bar is rad, but the people in here are snotty and smell like pee. It's really a problem. They should leave and shove a deodorizer up their uppity asses, and never come back. Vandy. Wow."

"Awesome range, and good cages."