Cosmo Kramer

"Come for the air travel, stay for the tender caress of a lonely TSA Agent."

"The grilled chicken sandwich with bacon, cheese, mayo and pesto was pretty good."

"Food was blah. Hash browns weren't browned, half cooked. No jelly in the holder at the table, had to ask for it. Bacon strips half the size of regular bacon. Pancakes very firm on top, soft on bottom."

"What is this, SAW? Do you want to play a game? Here, wipe your ass with this sandpaper. Why do hotels insist on using this shit? Don't they realize people would use less if they got real toilet paper?"

"The "Turkey Bacon Bravo" sandwich only has two slices of bacon. Shame on you for even mentioning bacon in the name of the sandwich, Panera Bread."

"Please leave your pride at the door and strip naked for your convenience and security."